Wednesday, January 6, 2010

New Me

I have not sat down to try and do this in almost 5 months mostly because I was not in the place emotionally to do so. I think the time has come for me to find a voice again and to blog at least once a week was one of my resolutions. I am taking this on as a spiritual discipline at this point, and I am seeking your support. Not that I need readers, I need accountability.

In August 2009, after 15 years of preaching and 15 years of marriage, I stepped out of both in a matter of days. First, I quit on my marriage and on Tammy. On Saturday, August 1, I moved out of our house and moved into an apartment. Dark days.

In those dark days, I realized that wanted to a better father than I could be from a distance, and this proved to be the first step to coming home. To help heal the marriage that I threw into shambles, with Tammy's encouragement, I asked for a leave of absence from the ministry of the United Methodist Church. So, second, I stepped out of the ministry for the first time since I was 19 at the end of August.

Over the course of the last five months, I have learned a great deal about myself, about love, about marriage, about my own personal struggles and demons. I also know I have a great road ahead of me. Thankfully, through some hard work and much grace, Tammy and I reconciled and I moved home over Labor Day weekend. I used to put her behind the church in my list of priorities, then I put her behind our boys, and mostly I put her needs far behind my own wants. Through much self-reflection, work, and prayer, I have realized that I was probably never the spouse that Tammy really needed or deserved. I have learned that my first and primary relationship in this world is Tammy. Ok, so Tammy and I both know Christ is at the head of our relationship, but that is a slightly different question.

I hope and pray that the dreams that Tammy and I are dreaming together at this point can come to bear fruit. We have set new goals for our life together. I do not know when I will return to full-time ministry at this point. I simply ask that you help my keep my dreams fresh by poking me with a stick (or call or email) if you do not see a fresh posting of this blog by Wednesday of any given week.

Grace and peace,


Philios said...

Thank you for your integrity and openness. Know that you, Tammy, and the boys are in my prayers. -PG

Craig L. Adams said...

Well, you've got your marriage back together again - that's far more important than the ministry thing.

Jason Valendy said...

It is powerful for me that you are willing to share your story with the blog world. I know there are people who are in your shoes and to read about another person is comforting and helpful. I hope you know that you have a group of people praying for your situation.

Grace and Peace.

Steve Heyduck said...

Thanks, Andrew, for sharing your story. I have missed your posts, and look forward to what you have to share.

I also want to echo Jason's sentiments on your openness and willingness to share here. Thank you.

Anonymous said...

I thank you, as well, my friend. It is a brave thing to share openly about life struggles. I know that new life comes through transitions...those we do and do not choose. I and many others pray for you daily.

Thank you for the encouragement and affirmation you have offered me.

Lady Jane Grey said...


I stumbled onto your blog via the Facebook news feed. Thanks for sharing it, and for your candor!

I just wanted to let you know that you're in my thoughts and prayers. My husband is a pastor; I identify with your words and my heart aches for you guys.

But I'm glad to see God restoring, as only He can. I will be praying with you and your family.