Wednesday, June 30, 2010

Surrender

For much of my adult life, I have gladly listed the things I have survived.  It was a pretty heavy and substantial list, honestly.  I was kind of proud of the stuff I survived.  Here is a peek at the list for those of you playing along at home.
  • I developed a slight paralysis in my left arm my senior year of high school
  • dad comes of the closet during my second year of marriage and seminary
  • mom and dad divorce (see above)
  • my youngest son has Down syndrome and a major heart defect
  • my son had heart surgery at 2 months old (heart defect corrected)
  • I have preached a friend's funeral who committed suicide
  • been there as friends and family have committed themselves into mental health hospitals for depression and suicidal thoughts
Yep, this is a glimpse.  For years I wore these and other things in life as badges of honor.  I had survived.  I realized over the last few weeks, I do not want to survive so much any more.  Eventually the mountain of survived events will crush me if I continue to try and carry them around with me all the time.  There will be something that comes along that I cannot survive.  That is the nature of life itself; in time none of us survive it.

I want to surrender.  I want to surrender to God's will in my life, not just accepting a call to ministry, but as a husband, a father, a brother, a son.  I want to surrender not just to say I survived, but that I learned and grew through the events of my life.  I want to surrender in the little ways, the right ways, the things that no one else will notice, but I will know.

I guess the best way to put it is, "Christ bore the weight of the cross so I do not have to bear the weight of the world, even my world."  When I surrender fully to Christ, I do find the saying to be true, "Come to me, all you that are weary and are carrying heavy burdens, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me; for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light." (Matthew 11:28-30)  Surrendering is much easier and life-giving than merely surviving.

1 comment:

mikerite said...

Wow! You have given me some stuff to think about today, Andrew. Good stuff.