"I control my own destiny." It is something that all of us want to believe in some form or fashion. Just a couple of weeks ago, a church by which I pass had on the marquee, "WE ARE THE RESULT OF OUR CHOICES." As humans, we want this to be the case. We know it to be the case.
This week is the antithesis of these humanistic mindsets. North Texas has prepared for months for this week. It is the week of the "Big Game." I don't want the NFL to come saying that I am infringing on their precious copyright, so I will just say, "The Big Game." Well, as much as DFW prepared, made choices, and put our destiny in our own hands, God has looked down and laughed at the little Babylonians trying to build for ourselves a tower and make a name for ourselves. We could plan, hope, dream, invest, choose, and still at the end of the day, we could not control the weather. We have had the coldest temperatures in over 15 years along with ice and snow.
We want to prove that we can do this. We want to be smart enough and strong enough to handle these things on our own. Frustratingly, we are not. OK, I will make it more personal, I am not. Maybe Jerry and the guys running the "Big Game" are strong enough and smart enough.
Yes, I have lots of control in my life. Yes, I can make many choices every day. Yes, I have intelligence and strength. No, I am not in control and I do not want to be. I am not solely the result of my choices. Good things have happened in my life that have nothing to do with the choices I have made. Bad things have happened despite some good and right decisions. I have not always gotten what I deserved, good or bad. On the whole, I am as much the product of grace as of any control I have in life. God has never failed to remain faithful regardless of my desire for control.
After four days cooped up at home, I am ready to have a bit more control. I am ready to drop the kids at school, go get a Starbucks, and then have the ability to come and go as I choose. And I will continue to be thankful for the lack of control I have which somehow has been blessing and grace in the long views of life.
Showing posts with label grace. Show all posts
Showing posts with label grace. Show all posts
Friday, February 4, 2011
Thursday, September 30, 2010
Evicted
On Monday morning I was driving home and noticed two police cars parked parallel to each other with the drivers' windows only a few feet apart at the end of the street. I didn't think much about it. How many times have we seen two police cars parked like this with the officers catching a quick chat?
An hour later, I was leaving the house and they were still there. This time I noticed they were not Fort Worth police; they were Tarrant County constables. At the same time a group of men were going in and out of the house and bunch of stuff was now on the lawn of the house. I realized the family was being evicted.
I have found myself thinking about that family, who I do not even know, a lot these few days. Part of me sympathizes with them for now they have to find a new place to live. Part of me understands the reality that housing costs money. Mostly, I hope for them they are safe. The house now sits empty waiting for someone new to move into make a home.
Over the last several months, I have had to commit a few evictions of my own. I have kicked some things out of my life that just could not stay. Self-reflection, prayer, support from my wife, have all played a role in being able to keep these tenants out of my life. Evicting habits and pain is not easy. I wish I could have called for an eviction notice and had two constables oversee the work. It would have taken less time and probably been much easier. I have learned, however, that bad habits and pain do not pay attention to eviction notices; they keep coming back if I do not keep a watchful eye on my house.
Honestly, I had an option; I could have let those old tenants stay in my life. Those habits, frailties, and bruises, that brought so much pain to my life and the life of people I loved, could have stayed, but those things are not the things of life. They stole from me and the people around me much like the family down the street was basically stealing to be point of being physically evicted from a house.
The house down the street sits empty. My life, my spirit, is not empty. It is being filled daily with the love of my wife and my boys. I am being filled by helping on several community boards. I am being filled by letting the light and grace of God into the darkest recesses of my soul.
Yeah, I had to evict some things from my life. I had take the time to remove the log from my own eye. I had to stop and let the peace of Christ take up residence in my life.
Evictions are not easy. They are difficult. The fact still remains that poor tenants have to go from our lives so that healthier, better tenants have the opportunity to move in.
An hour later, I was leaving the house and they were still there. This time I noticed they were not Fort Worth police; they were Tarrant County constables. At the same time a group of men were going in and out of the house and bunch of stuff was now on the lawn of the house. I realized the family was being evicted.
I have found myself thinking about that family, who I do not even know, a lot these few days. Part of me sympathizes with them for now they have to find a new place to live. Part of me understands the reality that housing costs money. Mostly, I hope for them they are safe. The house now sits empty waiting for someone new to move into make a home.
Over the last several months, I have had to commit a few evictions of my own. I have kicked some things out of my life that just could not stay. Self-reflection, prayer, support from my wife, have all played a role in being able to keep these tenants out of my life. Evicting habits and pain is not easy. I wish I could have called for an eviction notice and had two constables oversee the work. It would have taken less time and probably been much easier. I have learned, however, that bad habits and pain do not pay attention to eviction notices; they keep coming back if I do not keep a watchful eye on my house.
Honestly, I had an option; I could have let those old tenants stay in my life. Those habits, frailties, and bruises, that brought so much pain to my life and the life of people I loved, could have stayed, but those things are not the things of life. They stole from me and the people around me much like the family down the street was basically stealing to be point of being physically evicted from a house.
The house down the street sits empty. My life, my spirit, is not empty. It is being filled daily with the love of my wife and my boys. I am being filled by helping on several community boards. I am being filled by letting the light and grace of God into the darkest recesses of my soul.
Yeah, I had to evict some things from my life. I had take the time to remove the log from my own eye. I had to stop and let the peace of Christ take up residence in my life.
Evictions are not easy. They are difficult. The fact still remains that poor tenants have to go from our lives so that healthier, better tenants have the opportunity to move in.
Tuesday, September 14, 2010
Broken
My wife's Tahoe is broken. I am not a mechanic so I really have no idea what is broken. I just know that we had to take it to a mechanic to get it fixed.
While many of us feel inadequate to the task of fixing cars, trucks, and the like, fixing a broken vehicle is often a relatively simple thing to do. You take it to a mechanic, they look for what is broken, they put in a new piece to replace the broken one, and after paying them what feels like an arm and a leg (and you have no idea if what they did or what it costs was reasonable) you drive away no longer broken.
Broken people and broken relationships are much harder to fix. Sometimes, when I listen carefully, it seems as if everyone is broken in one way or another. Other times, when I am pushed down within myself, it seems as if I am the only broken person to ever walk the face of the earth.
The broken parts of me caused me to act in ways that broken my most valued and intimate relationship. A year ago, Tammy and I began working to fix the brokenness of our marriage. We have had to rely on the grace of God often to bind us up just so we could make it another day. There is no quick fix, pay the man, and drive down the road answers to this level of bring broken. And sometimes, even now, Tammy and I can feel the scares and pain of the deep broken place where we were.
I cannot fix my wife's car. I need a mechanic to do that. I cannot totally fix myself. I need the grace of God to heal my brokenness. Tammy and I cannot fix the broken parts of our marriage alone, we too need the mercy of God's Spirit to bind and heal us. So today, I just ask for a little more grace and mercy to fix what is broken.
While many of us feel inadequate to the task of fixing cars, trucks, and the like, fixing a broken vehicle is often a relatively simple thing to do. You take it to a mechanic, they look for what is broken, they put in a new piece to replace the broken one, and after paying them what feels like an arm and a leg (and you have no idea if what they did or what it costs was reasonable) you drive away no longer broken.
Broken people and broken relationships are much harder to fix. Sometimes, when I listen carefully, it seems as if everyone is broken in one way or another. Other times, when I am pushed down within myself, it seems as if I am the only broken person to ever walk the face of the earth.
The broken parts of me caused me to act in ways that broken my most valued and intimate relationship. A year ago, Tammy and I began working to fix the brokenness of our marriage. We have had to rely on the grace of God often to bind us up just so we could make it another day. There is no quick fix, pay the man, and drive down the road answers to this level of bring broken. And sometimes, even now, Tammy and I can feel the scares and pain of the deep broken place where we were.
I cannot fix my wife's car. I need a mechanic to do that. I cannot totally fix myself. I need the grace of God to heal my brokenness. Tammy and I cannot fix the broken parts of our marriage alone, we too need the mercy of God's Spirit to bind and heal us. So today, I just ask for a little more grace and mercy to fix what is broken.
Wednesday, May 26, 2010
Sufficient
How often do we believe we are insufficient? Unworthy? Not good enough?
Several weeks ago, while running, a woman was admitting her unbelief. During the conversation, this woman confessed her lack of faith at times as she struggled to raise children of faith. She was truly grieved by her unbelief. As we ran along I thought about her situation and listened as others said things like, "Put away that doubt," as if it were a thing that could be tucked in a drawer and forgotten. Eventually, I said to her, "Jesus told a man his child would be made well if he only believed. The man responded, 'I believe; help my unbelief.' And immediately the child was made well." (See Mark 9:14-29) I went on to say that Jesus knows that none of us are 100% faithful 100% of the time.
The man's faith was sufficient as incomplete as it was. Jesus did not then say, "You are not adequate," nor "What I have to give is insufficient to meet your need." The man's belief was sufficient because the power of Jesus was sufficient well beyond his unbelief.
One of the things with which I struggle is that God's grace is sufficient for me. It was enough for the man who came to Jesus with a child in need. It was enough for the woman running along the trail. It was enough for the Apostle Paul who desired to have the thorn removed from his flesh and pleaded to the Lord three times before Jesus said to him, "My grace is sufficient for you." (2 Corinthians 12:7-10)
Sufficient. Enough. An adequate answer. Jesus said, "My grace is sufficient."
Yes, it is sufficient. It is good enough. It is adequate to the task. God's grace is sufficient for me. It is enough to set me free. It is adequate to the task of forgiveness and hope. I don't need more. There is already enough.
Several weeks ago, while running, a woman was admitting her unbelief. During the conversation, this woman confessed her lack of faith at times as she struggled to raise children of faith. She was truly grieved by her unbelief. As we ran along I thought about her situation and listened as others said things like, "Put away that doubt," as if it were a thing that could be tucked in a drawer and forgotten. Eventually, I said to her, "Jesus told a man his child would be made well if he only believed. The man responded, 'I believe; help my unbelief.' And immediately the child was made well." (See Mark 9:14-29) I went on to say that Jesus knows that none of us are 100% faithful 100% of the time.
The man's faith was sufficient as incomplete as it was. Jesus did not then say, "You are not adequate," nor "What I have to give is insufficient to meet your need." The man's belief was sufficient because the power of Jesus was sufficient well beyond his unbelief.
One of the things with which I struggle is that God's grace is sufficient for me. It was enough for the man who came to Jesus with a child in need. It was enough for the woman running along the trail. It was enough for the Apostle Paul who desired to have the thorn removed from his flesh and pleaded to the Lord three times before Jesus said to him, "My grace is sufficient for you." (2 Corinthians 12:7-10)
Sufficient. Enough. An adequate answer. Jesus said, "My grace is sufficient."
Yes, it is sufficient. It is good enough. It is adequate to the task. God's grace is sufficient for me. It is enough to set me free. It is adequate to the task of forgiveness and hope. I don't need more. There is already enough.
Wednesday, March 24, 2010
My Change
The human motto is "We fear change!" Even the most go-with-the-flow people want and need a certain amount of consistency and security in their lives. Watch a group of people who meet together regularly. They will sit in more or less the same seats. Change the chairs, or sit in a totally different part of the room and the whole group functions differently. Someone may even say, "You are sitting in MY seat." We really do fear change.
Change is relative however. The more distant the change, the less dramatic it seems. It can also depend on how much it plays with our sense of security and reality. If the change somehow makes us feel vulnerable, it will, no matter how small the change really is, feel like a big shift in our existence.
Make the change personal, and it is even harder. My family watches The Biggest Loser almost religiously. The contestants often breakdown emotionally as much as physically. It is because as they deal with their weight, they are making a huge change. Physically, they are loosing weight and getting fit. As they put away old coping mechanism (in this case food) and habits, the emotional and psycological issues begin to move to the fore. Add to all of this some exhaustion and emotionally these people can almost spin out of control.
Over the last the last 7 months, I have been working on changing who I am so that I can be the person I am called to be. This has meant stepping out of ministry so I can be better husband to Tammy and a better father to my boys. But over the last month or so, I have decided to deal more directly with the issues that haunt me. This change, this admitting to myself that I need to change, is difficult. It is not easy nor is it fun. In fact, it makes me feel less the person. It hurts. It sucks. It scares me.
I know that I cannot change myself. I must take a step and rely on the grace of God and the presence of the Holy Spirit to hold me as together we take the next step. I am blessed that Tammy continues to hold my hand and walk with me on this journey. I do not know exactly where it will end, nor what God has in store for my future. I do know, yes I believe, that as hard and scary as this change might be, this will be a change for the better. So, today, even as I look into a future I cannot see, as long as God is sovereign and merciful, I can say with confidence, "I will NOT fear this change!"
Change is relative however. The more distant the change, the less dramatic it seems. It can also depend on how much it plays with our sense of security and reality. If the change somehow makes us feel vulnerable, it will, no matter how small the change really is, feel like a big shift in our existence.
Make the change personal, and it is even harder. My family watches The Biggest Loser almost religiously. The contestants often breakdown emotionally as much as physically. It is because as they deal with their weight, they are making a huge change. Physically, they are loosing weight and getting fit. As they put away old coping mechanism (in this case food) and habits, the emotional and psycological issues begin to move to the fore. Add to all of this some exhaustion and emotionally these people can almost spin out of control.
Over the last the last 7 months, I have been working on changing who I am so that I can be the person I am called to be. This has meant stepping out of ministry so I can be better husband to Tammy and a better father to my boys. But over the last month or so, I have decided to deal more directly with the issues that haunt me. This change, this admitting to myself that I need to change, is difficult. It is not easy nor is it fun. In fact, it makes me feel less the person. It hurts. It sucks. It scares me.
I know that I cannot change myself. I must take a step and rely on the grace of God and the presence of the Holy Spirit to hold me as together we take the next step. I am blessed that Tammy continues to hold my hand and walk with me on this journey. I do not know exactly where it will end, nor what God has in store for my future. I do know, yes I believe, that as hard and scary as this change might be, this will be a change for the better. So, today, even as I look into a future I cannot see, as long as God is sovereign and merciful, I can say with confidence, "I will NOT fear this change!"
Tuesday, July 29, 2008
WHY?
"Why?" This is one of the hardest questions to answer. Think about talking to a two-year old who has just discovered this time-perplexing and mind-numbing question. They ask, "Why do I have a belly button?"
You say something cute like, "Because it is where God kissed you."
"Why?" comes back again.
"Because God loves you."
"Why?"
"Because God loves everybody."
"Why?" "Because God is love."
"Why?"
Well you get the picture.
Giving a close to scientifically correct answer, "You have a belly button because when you were growing in mommy's tummy before you were born, that is where you and mommy were connected." Well, you know the "Why?" is coming and there are details here that you are not really sure you want to explain to a two-year old.
Today, I am struggling with "Why?" I am not two-years old, but the question is haunting me. A 21-year old man died this weekend in a local swimming hole. He is a friend of a member of the congregation where I serve. They met working together for a company that hires adults with learning problems.
As a parent of a child with learning issues (my younger son has Down-Syndrome), I know the family has asked "Why?" many times over the course of 21 years. "Why is our child not like all the rest?" "Why does it have to be so hard?" And now the question for this family has changed to something even more profound, "Why is he gone?" "Why did he have to die?" "Why has God done this to us?"
To try and explain, "Why?" is useless. There is no good answer to this question. If we knew why, it might be more painful than we could endure. And knowing why does not take away the loss. But this does not remove the reality of God's all encompassing GRACE and LOVE. Yes, it still hurts, and yes the questions will still come in the night, "why . . . why . . . why . . . why?" And still God is there with us, holding us, keeping us, weeping with us and for us.
I have no answer to the "Why?" this morning. I can only look to my faith and to the mercy of Christ, who loves us in all things. Being a Christian, a follower of Christ, does not insulate us from the many hard things in life. It does remind us that the hard things are not the final answer. The story does not end with a child being born with learning disabilities. The story is not finished at the bottom of swimming hole. The final word is not death. As a follower of Christ, I know the final word is hope for all God's children, life abundant, resurrection is the face of death, future with no limitations.
You say something cute like, "Because it is where God kissed you."
"Why?" comes back again.
"Because God loves you."
"Why?"
"Because God loves everybody."
"Why?" "Because God is love."
"Why?"
Well you get the picture.
Giving a close to scientifically correct answer, "You have a belly button because when you were growing in mommy's tummy before you were born, that is where you and mommy were connected." Well, you know the "Why?" is coming and there are details here that you are not really sure you want to explain to a two-year old.
Today, I am struggling with "Why?" I am not two-years old, but the question is haunting me. A 21-year old man died this weekend in a local swimming hole. He is a friend of a member of the congregation where I serve. They met working together for a company that hires adults with learning problems.
As a parent of a child with learning issues (my younger son has Down-Syndrome), I know the family has asked "Why?" many times over the course of 21 years. "Why is our child not like all the rest?" "Why does it have to be so hard?" And now the question for this family has changed to something even more profound, "Why is he gone?" "Why did he have to die?" "Why has God done this to us?"
To try and explain, "Why?" is useless. There is no good answer to this question. If we knew why, it might be more painful than we could endure. And knowing why does not take away the loss. But this does not remove the reality of God's all encompassing GRACE and LOVE. Yes, it still hurts, and yes the questions will still come in the night, "why . . . why . . . why . . . why?" And still God is there with us, holding us, keeping us, weeping with us and for us.
I have no answer to the "Why?" this morning. I can only look to my faith and to the mercy of Christ, who loves us in all things. Being a Christian, a follower of Christ, does not insulate us from the many hard things in life. It does remind us that the hard things are not the final answer. The story does not end with a child being born with learning disabilities. The story is not finished at the bottom of swimming hole. The final word is not death. As a follower of Christ, I know the final word is hope for all God's children, life abundant, resurrection is the face of death, future with no limitations.
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