Discipline

St. Paul talks about the discipline of the athlete in his first letter to the church in Corinth (9:24-27). I heard a pastor speak about this briefly on Sunday, and it came into my head as I was running earlier today.

Physical discipline is hard. To go and run, to do push-ups and sit-ups, or to do Bikram yoga (like Tammy does), is hard work. It is much easier to just sit. It is much easier not to be disciplined in what you do. The same is true with the food you eat. The Lord knows, I would rather have a cheeseburger, fries, and a Coke, than most of the stuff I should be eating.

As much work as the athlete does to discipline and train the body, so there is just as much work for those trying to discipline and train the spirit. And it is not as readily obvious to the casual observer if the spirit is not well trained as if the body is not well trained.

Here is what I realized today: if you are wounded, the discipline and training are harder. Think of Colt McCoy last week. He was prepared and ready and then with a relatively minor blow to the back of his shoulder, he was unable to play. He will not be able to train in the same manor probably for a few weeks. I realized that as I am trying to put a spiritual life back together, that the spiritual wounds that I carry (some new and some very old) can hinder the training and the discipline I can receive.

Thursday night, Colt knew how to throw a football but he could not. Even today I know how to do many things and expect that some day I will get back in the game. I am not training aimlessly. But or right now, my spirit is resting and healing so that when the day comes, I will not have run aimlessly nor boxed as though beating the air, but I will have punished myself and enslave my body, so that God's proclamation shall not be in vain.

New Me

I have not sat down to try and do this in almost 5 months mostly because I was not in the place emotionally to do so. I think the time has come for me to find a voice again and to blog at least once a week was one of my resolutions. I am taking this on as a spiritual discipline at this point, and I am seeking your support. Not that I need readers, I need accountability.

In August 2009, after 15 years of preaching and 15 years of marriage, I stepped out of both in a matter of days. First, I quit on my marriage and on Tammy. On Saturday, August 1, I moved out of our house and moved into an apartment. Dark days.

In those dark days, I realized that wanted to a better father than I could be from a distance, and this proved to be the first step to coming home. To help heal the marriage that I threw into shambles, with Tammy's encouragement, I asked for a leave of absence from the ministry of the United Methodist Church. So, second, I stepped out of the ministry for the first time since I was 19 at the end of August.

Over the course of the last five months, I have learned a great deal about myself, about love, about marriage, about my own personal struggles and demons. I also know I have a great road ahead of me. Thankfully, through some hard work and much grace, Tammy and I reconciled and I moved home over Labor Day weekend. I used to put her behind the church in my list of priorities, then I put her behind our boys, and mostly I put her needs far behind my own wants. Through much self-reflection, work, and prayer, I have realized that I was probably never the spouse that Tammy really needed or deserved. I have learned that my first and primary relationship in this world is Tammy. Ok, so Tammy and I both know Christ is at the head of our relationship, but that is a slightly different question.

I hope and pray that the dreams that Tammy and I are dreaming together at this point can come to bear fruit. We have set new goals for our life together. I do not know when I will return to full-time ministry at this point. I simply ask that you help my keep my dreams fresh by poking me with a stick (or call or email) if you do not see a fresh posting of this blog by Wednesday of any given week.

Grace and peace,
Andrew

Position

Recently, I was amazingly asked, "How do you remain humble when you are obviously gifted?" Obviously this person does not know me very well for two reasons. First, I am not all that humble. Second, I am not all that gifted. My response was, however, above ordinary and I wanted to share it here this morning.

First, I know that when it comes to grace, the unmerited love of God and salvation offered in Christ Jesus, I am simply a beggar. When I tell others about the love of God and the grace I have experienced in my life, I am a beggar telling other beggars where I found bread.

Second, I am to view every person as if they might be Christ. This is not always easy. As Mother Teresa said, "Lord, you come in some costumes that made it difficult to see you today."

The thought that I am a simple beggar and every other person might be Christ puts me in a proper perspective and position.